Panictomyheart's Blog

Dreams

panictomyheart — Sun, 30 May 2010 00:54:12 +0000

Sweet dreams like sugar and ice

Plaguing my eyes behind my sight

Such happiness my heart can’t contain

What remains after my conscience falls away

Music sweeps up all the tears I ever cried

I burst out of my old time worn shell

But as I slip back into this time, my dreams slips away

Out of my grasp and left to conquer a new day

But all is not lost you see,

Hope for dreams to become reality are only strengthend

I’m already halfway there

Kein Titel

panictomyheart — Sun, 30 May 2010 00:47:07 +0000

Bitter and defiant

My smile will only be shown in spite

This is who I am

Can’t you see?

Maybe you just let that fact slip

But what about the others that make your mind flip?

Hm? Oh, what is with this silence?

Are you finally scared?

Observation

panictomyheart — Fri, 23 Apr 2010 00:23:07 +0000

Sometimes I really don’t mean to. I don’t mean to get in your way. I don’t mean to make you sad. I don’t mean to be so awkward. But I am. I try and try but I forget. And there I am in your way again. I forget and then I remind you by accident. I really don’t mean to. It’s not that time yet, I see that afterward. But in that moment of laughter a light memory floats into my mind like a dove and I want to share it. I want to tell you about the time this reminds me of. The person it reminds me of. But I know it upsets you. I just forget. On some level I think you are angry with her. How could you not? This woman you thought you loved and knew better than anyone turns out to be keeping stuff from you. Keeping just how sick she really was. Keeping her dreams from you. You didn’t ask for me. You’ve never raised a teenager on your own. She left you with me to go on and live in a better place. She no longer has to worry about some madman murdering me or some boy stealing my heart. But you do. And it’s all new for you. I don’t blame you for not being there. I know how hard you try. And I appreciate it. I’m just sorry I can’t make this any easier on you. I think you might be angry at her for not trying harder. You think if maybe she actually wanted to live dammit that she might have voiced her issues and gotten the transplant before it was too late. You’ve never told me this of course, but I can read it in your eyes. I know where you’re coming from. I get mad at her too. I need her and she left me too. She was my best friend but she didn’t voice to me how she might die. She never voiced to me that I should be spending my time wisely. Now it’s just me and you buddy. But we’ll make it.

:P

panictomyheart — Wed, 21 Apr 2010 16:53:58 +0000

Happy. Sappy.

What’s happen’ pappy?

I’m joyful, did you know?

If you didn’t, you do now.

Smile with your bright teeth

Like a monster who eats only stinky feet

Let your happiness shine

Like a flashlight on board the mystery machine

I’m happy.

Feeling Words?

panictomyheart — Wed, 21 Apr 2010 16:43:07 +0000

Feeling words? Apparently it is what you get when you think of a words. Useless letters arranged to form words. Words that write out the deepest desire of my heart. Words that spew my anger in my letter. Words that flow from my head onto the blank canvas of paper infront of me. Words are just letters. The real meaning lies in the body. Jestures of the hands, the facial expressions, the laughter. It all adds up to our wonderful communitcations. Oh what would we do without them?

I’M RIGHT HERE!

panictomyheart — Tue, 20 Apr 2010 17:01:09 +0000

You will come

I know you can’t forget me

You will be the prince in shining armor

Living forever in the castles nestled in the woods

You just have to find me first

For that pair of shoes…

panictomyheart — Tue, 20 Apr 2010 16:57:20 +0000

I asked for a sign today

I begged on my knees as I prayed

I got what I asked for, but it’s not what I wanted

‘It’s just a phase’ it read

Bold, screaming in my head

I got what I asked for, but it’s not what I wanted.

I guess it will pass

It will just be absorbed into the mass

I got what I asked for, but it’s not what I wanted

Now I’m stuck wondering what to do

Do I try to buy you?

Or do I forget and start new?

I got what I asked for, but it’s not what I wanted.

Meh

panictomyheart — Tue, 20 Apr 2010 16:53:32 +0000

Average. Not too much either way. Average. Just the right amount. Average. Not stupid. Average. Not smart. Average. Normal. Average. Not normal. Average. Weird. Average. Wild. Average. Extraordinary. Average. Spectacular. Average. Unknown. Average. Invisible. Average. Quiet. Average. Me. Average.

Did you Know?

panictomyheart — Tue, 20 Apr 2010 16:50:12 +0000

This plentiful society is built upon the broken bones of the unafraid. The ones who weren’t afraid to stand up for what they believe. They weren’t afraid to have their voices heard. The ones who weren’t afraid to be broken and damaged upon the difference of opinions. The ones who let their voices ring out louder letting their message be carried farther than their cries. If it weren’t for their everlasting song encrypted upon our bones, our society would be a sham, a fake of overused prejudices and hate that would dominate the minds of our brilliant. Our new ideas would be molded to fit in the long foraged cutouts of the already known. No matter how hard we would try our thoughts and actions would be mundane. If it weren’t for the self sacrificing people who face danger with a mere carefree glance and the ones who screamed their messaged until the moment they were silenced forever we would be living a life that was nothing more than a muddy facade of something beautiful. It would all be a lie.

Don’t Believe

panictomyheart — Sun, 11 Apr 2010 04:00:37 +0000

People search for love their entire life. It leaves its marks from birth until death. Some have so much they can’t imagine life without it. Others have hardly any and can’t seem to find the love buried deep in their heart. But love is fickle subject. The word itself is overused and holds little value except to those who believe it describes what they feel towards another. It is misread and is used to describe lust. Three simple words said, love being cradled in the middle in between you and I, have caused more pain than the feelings evoked by them. Three words used to torment the broken and the alone. Three words that cause so much damage and yet still remain strong. How can something that can cause so much pain be looked at with such hope and wishing? How can anyone believe those words? I love you. It is so simple but so meaningful. So many meanings. Three words that haunt the lonely. When will be the next time they will hear it whispered and when will they actually believe it? I love you! So overused that it is pathetic. I want to write these words down onto a blank piece of paper and then rip them up for every person who has had them uttered into their soul and for those who choose to believe the lie. I want to write the words into the clouds for every person who hasn’t had the chance to hear them. I want to thread a meaning into the words. I want to scream the words until my voice is hoarse. I want to believe the words. But I can’t believe what I have been shown is a lie.