Sometimes I really don’t mean to. I don’t mean to get in your way. I don’t mean to make you sad. I don’t mean to be so awkward. But I am. I try  and try but I forget. And there I am in your way again. I forget and then I remind you by accident. I really don’t mean to. It’s not that time yet, I see that afterward. But in that moment of laughter a light memory floats into my mind like a dove and I want to share it. I want to tell you about the time this reminds me of. The person it reminds me of. But I know it upsets you. I just forget. On some level I think you are angry with her. How could you not? This woman you thought you loved and knew better than anyone turns out to be keeping stuff from you. Keeping just how sick she really was. Keeping her dreams from you. You didn’t ask for me. You’ve never raised a teenager on your own. She left you with me to go on and live in a better place. She no longer has to worry about some madman murdering me or some boy stealing my heart. But you do. And it’s all new for you. I don’t blame you for not being there. I know how hard you try. And I appreciate it. I’m just sorry I can’t make this any easier on you. I think you might be angry at her for not trying harder. You think if maybe she actually wanted to live dammit that she might have voiced her issues and gotten the transplant before it was too late. You’ve never told me this of course, but I can read it in your eyes. I know where you’re coming from. I get mad at her too. I need her and she left me too. She was my best friend but she didn’t voice to me how she might die. She never voiced to me that I should be spending my time wisely. Now it’s just me and you buddy. But we’ll make it.

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